ZEN Bitchin'

One (From A Chorus Line) – The Philadelphia Boys Choir & Chorale

A few days ago I read in The Phnom Penh Post an article called ‘Being Single Sucks’. I checked if it was a local article (written by a Cambodia-based writer) and found out that it was a re-print. I read the article with growing alarm. It extolled the virtue of being married, not partnered, and boldly declared that women who said they were happy to be single as ‘mentally sick’. To tell the truth, reading the article left an unpleasant taste in my mouth. Misogyny and arrogance can be a really repulsive combination.

This afternoon, at a particularly dull time at the office (yes, I’m at an office–but that’s another story), I read Jericho and Kawadjan’s latest posts on singlehood/ singleblessedness. These two posts provided me eloquent discussions on being single. Jericho believes that ‘everyone has to have someone with them, but this need not be a romantic someone. Kawadjan, meanwhile, enumerated 5 reasons why he is single, eventually singling out fear of rejection or pain as the biggest reason for his single state.

So what am I trying to say? I will not elaborate further on the points taken up by these guys. I can only say that I identify with the feeling of getting asked a lot about my lovelife, whether I have someone or am I just fucking anything that moved (I wish). A year has passed since I got unceremoniously dumped by my Cambodian lover of 3 years. My dalliance with my rebound boy has simmered to a platonic friendship. My single-ness is rendered un-noticed by countless friends who surround me. And I’m most happy to be f*ck-buddies with an older guy whose boyfriend is based in Australia.

My FB asked me once if I would consider being his real boyfriend in the future. I said it was a discussion that I didn’t want to have. He never asked me again. I think he was just trying to be polite, anyway. These Khmer men, with their gentle contradictions and feigned modesties.

This past year, I have felt a range of emotions that were totally un-related to my romantic entanglements. I think I had enough drama to last all seasons of Flordeluna and Annaliza put together. The last thing I need right now is to enter a situation that is rife with possible tension and upheavals. Friendships–the real kind, fill my life with delights that pale in comparison with the kind that I get from romantic relationships. My family is another source of joy and belongingness.

On hindsight, I think the bigger reason why the newspaper article irritated me (aside from the previously mentioned misogyny and arrogance) was because the author posited that being married (partnered?) was much better than being single. I don’t think one is better than the other, actually. For many people, being single and being married happens because of one (or a series of) decision(s). As long as one can live with the choices s/he has made, who are we to judge?

Let me end this by saying, I became single not because of my own doing. However, until I decide otherwise, I will remain single because I choose to be.